A woman found herself in a difficult situation after her irresponsible sister-in-law left three children in their home and ran away. The sister-in-law had three kids from three absent fathers and dumped the responsibility on her brother. The woman and her husband agreed never to have children, but the husband decided he wanted to take responsibility for the kids and raise them.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment couples don’t usually enter without getting to know each other and aligning on values and essential decisions. Before a woman married her college sweetheart, she knew he was aligned with her on not wanting children.
The woman knew she did not want to have or raise kids from a young age, and fortunately, her partner felt the same way. They tied the knot a few years ago, but their marriage may be coming to an end.
The 29-year-old woman’s husband has a sister, five years younger than her. The sister already has three toddlers with different fathers who were not in their lives. “Two months ago, she left all of them at our house, said she was going on an errand, and never came back,” the woman said.
The couple filed a report, but as it turned out, the sister was safe and didn’t want to return and become a mother. Unfortunately, no one in her family wanted to raise her kids. Her mom raised her kids singlehandedly and is now a minimum-wage earner.
With nowhere else to go, the couple ended up taking in the kids, despite the woman not wanting to raise them. She never wanted to be a mom in the first place, and in the two months that passed, her feelings only grew stronger.
The kids slept in their one-bedroom apartment’s living room. The woman had to work from home to look after them because daycare was too expensive.
Between her and the husband, she took most of the responsibility. He usually works the whole day, leaving before 7:00 a.m. and returning past 8:00 p.m.
“He helps with kids after he reaches (around [an] hour or 2). He has off only on Sunday. Where he still [does] not take care of [the] kids himself and needs my help. I tried telling him I need the day to work, but he keeps disturbing me every [five] mins wanting something,” she said.
The woman knew that she would end up raising the kids, not her husband, as he always needed her help. While she understands his selfless choice to take responsibility for the children, she thought it was unfair that he would rely on her to do the job for him.
Financially, they could not raise three children comfortably too. Their expenses also increased as they had to buy the toddlers’ clothes and food. The woman said:
“CPS did get involved and asked us whether we want to keep the kids or not. I do not. I thought my husband would be on the same page, but he wants to keep the kids.”
The woman and her husband discussed the matter several times. She was sure she could not live the subsequent years raising children and paying for them, but her husband wanted to be there for his family. Although she understands where he is coming from, she knows that she cannot sacrifice her life for the children she didn’t want in the first place.
The woman eventually asked for a divorce. Her husband cursed her for abandoning him in his time of need. However, she had already expressed her boundaries years ago and cannot commit to children.
After posting her situation on Reddit, many shared their thoughts and understood where the woman’s decision came from. They knew parenthood was hard but, at the same time, felt for the children.
“I feel so bad for the kids,” one person said. “This is really a tough situation all around. If this isn’t something you can commit to, it’s best to end it now.”
Others brought up the couple’s wedding vows to each other and how it appeared she was breaking them. However, the woman clarified that they do not believe in the usual “death do us part.’ They vowed not to have children and to stay together until being apart was a better choice.
