onversation & Active Listening: A compliment about my looks

Full Dinner + Tip Covered: A second date, no excuses

But the real kicker, the bit that made me realize he’d sent this invoice in earnest, appeared at the bottom in bold text.

Payment is expected in full. No refunds. Failure to comply may result in an outstanding balance being sent to collections (Chris will hear about it).

Looking forward to your prompt payment!

My jaw hit the floor.

It would’ve been bad enough if he’d expected monetary compensation, but charging me with required affection and attention?

Who does that?

I screenshot the invoice immediately and sent it to Mia. Her response was instant.

“OH. MY.

GOD. I’M SHOWING THIS TO CHRIS RIGHT NOW.”

“Is this real life???” I typed back, still in disbelief. “He’s serious about this!”

“Wait till Chris sees this.

He’s going to LOSE IT,” she replied.

Five minutes later, my phone rang.

It was Chris, and he was howling with laughter.

“Kelly, I can’t believe this,” he managed between gasps. “I’ve known this dude for years and never, not once, did I think he’d pull something this insane.”

“So, this isn’t a joke?” I asked.

“No way,” Chris confirmed. “Eric’s always been a bit… intense about dating, but this is next level.

Okay, we need to get back at this dude.”

Chris was the mastermind of next-level pettiness.

Instead of just roasting Eric in their group chat, he planned to take it up a notch.

“I’m making an identical invoice,” he declared. “Same formatting, fake legal tone, ridiculous charges, the works.”

An hour later, Chris sent me his creation.

In it, he’d listed a series of charges for putting me through this nonsense that left me in stitches.

Service Invoice – Amount Due: A Lifetime of Silence

Introducing You to a Gorgeous Woman: 1 permanent block on all platforms

Convincing Her You Were a Gentleman: A deep, personal reflection on why you’re single

Letting You Sit at the Same Table as Her: A formal apology to all women you’ve dated before

Not Exposing You to the Entire Internet: A generous gift you should be grateful for

Payment is due IMMEDIATELY. Failure to comply may result in public humiliation.

Cheers!

“This is perfect,” I texted him. “Send it!”

“Forwarded!” He replied a moment later.

Not long afterward, my phone lit up with a series of increasingly angry messages from Eric.

“Wow, really mature.”

“I was just trying to set realistic expectations; not everyone is rich.”

“Chris is a terrible friend.”

“You just missed out on a GREAT guy.”

I didn’t bother engaging. What was there to say to someone who thought human connection worked on a transaction basis?

I just sent him a thumbs-up emoji and blocked his number.

Mia called me later that night, still laughing about the whole situation.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I really thought he was normal. Chris had no idea he was like this either.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, surprising myself with how unbothered I felt.

“We all got a great story out of it, at least.”

“True,” she agreed. “This is officially going to be told at every party for the next decade.”

The whole experience left me with one golden rule for dating: If a guy insists on paying, make sure he’s not going to send you an invoice afterward.

The keychain, though? I kept it.

Not because it reminded me of Eric, but because it was a hilarious souvenir from the weirdest date of my life.

Source: amomama