Resentment built up inside me as I watched him surrender to his illness without putting up a fight. I felt betrayed and abandoned, left to carry the burden of his sickness alone.”
She made a decision to leave her husband.
“Despite my frustration and anger, I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. I made a vow to stand by him in sickness and in health, and I intended to honor it.
But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I found myself questioning everything.”
“One fateful night, as I sat by his bedside, watching him sleep fitfully, I reached my breaking point. The exhaustion of being his caretaker, the weight of his illness pressing down on me—it was all too much to bear. I knew then that I had to make a choice for myself, for my own sanity and well-being.
This night I made the most difficult decision of my life.”
Her decision left a deep scar in her soul.
“This decision left a profound scar on my soul. It triggered a negative reaction from our mutual friends and relatives. Many simply failed to understand me and believed I had betrayed my husband.
It took several years of therapy for me to realize that I am not a bad person, that I prioritized myself in this situation. My husband made his decision, and I made mine.”
“I hope that my story will help those who find themselves in a similar situation. It’s crucial to seek help from a psychologist, both for the patients themselves and for their family members.
Maybe our story would have ended differently if we had just visited a couple’s therapist.”
: Psychological tips for caregivers of cancer patients
- for help. Many caregivers say that, looking back, they took too much on themselves. Or they wish they had asked for help from friends or family sooner.
Take an honest look at what you can and can’t do. What things do you need or want to do yourself? What tasks can you turn over or share with people?
- of yourself. All family caregivers need support.
But you may feel that your needs aren’t important right now, since you’re not the cancer patient. You may be so used to taking care of someone else that it’s hard for you to change focus. But caring for your own needs, hopes, and desires can give you the strength you need to carry on.
- your feelings. Giving yourself an outlet for your own thoughts and feelings is important.
Think about what would help lift your spirits. Would talking with others help ease your load? Or would you rather have quiet time by yourself?
Maybe you need both, depending on what’s going on in your life. It’s helpful for you and others to know what you need.
- in a journal. Research shows that writing or journaling can help relieve negative thoughts and feelings.
And it may actually help improve your own health. You might write about your most stressful experiences. Or you may want to express your deepest thoughts and feelings.
You can also write about things that make you feel good, such as a pretty day or a kind coworker or friend.
- a support group. can meet in person, by phone, or online. They may help you gain new insights into what is happening, get ideas about how to cope, and help you know that you’re not alone. Many hospitals, cancer centers, community groups, and schools offer cancer support groups.
Here are some ways to find groups near you:
- Call your local hospital and ask about its cancer support programs.
- Ask your social worker to suggest groups.
- Talk to other patients who have tried support groups.
- Do an online search for groups.
Or go to the NCI database for suggestions.
