Eight years ago, I was in a deeply abusive marriage. I did everything I was told would help—be soft, pray, manage your emotions, keep quiet, show him you’re a good woman, don’t complain… I did all of it. I bent over backward.
I didn’t have boundaries; they were foreign to me. I was desperate to belong, to be loved, to be accepted, so I stayed and endured his abuse, loving him even while he hurt me.
Then, three weeks after I’d had our baby, he forced himself on me. I still had postpartum bleeding, and he pretended to be drunk, acting as if he wouldn’t remember.
But I knew he did—I saw the look in his eye as I winced in pain. I felt so ashamed that I couldn’t even tell my caregiver. Eventually, I had to see a doctor because I developed an infection.
I confided in the doctor, who was kind and compassionate.
She was furious when she heard my story and insisted I file a police report. Then she looked me in the eye and said, “Take your son and run; that man could seriously harm you one day.”
The police, however, believed his excuses. Maybe he paid them off, or maybe it was the usual story that I didn’t matter enough, so nothing came of it.
He was back home the next morning. That same afternoon, I packed my son up and left.
I went home to my father. He took me in without a single question.
He hadn’t been much of a father during my childhood, but now, he was trying. He’d apologized many times and asked for my forgiveness. When I needed a safe place, he and his wife welcomed me.
My mother, however, and the man she married, who raised me, took my ex’s side.
They believed his manipulation—or maybe they didn’t need much convincing. My mother would choose anyone over me if given the choice. When he remarried two years later, she even attended their lavish wedding.
I heard he’d send her a Christmas package every year and once took his new wife and their baby to visit her.
I was the target of countless lies. People called me an adulteress, a thief, and ungrateful. His new wife became the spokesperson for spreading those lies.
And many times, when I reached out to discuss matters related to our child, she found ways to stir up drama. I could have made better choices after the divorce, too; I fell for someone who only used me, leaving me a single mother for the second time.
The story doesn’t end here –
it continues on the next page.
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