My girlfriend said, “I’m not cutting off my ex. You need to accept that.” I nodded.
“All right.”
She smiled, relieved. “See, I knew you’d be mature.”
I added, “I’ll just remove myself from this situation.”
She frowned. “Remove yourself? How?”
I replied, “You’ll understand soon. I’m 35, and I’ve been in my fair share of relationships—enough to know what’s normal and what’s a red flag dressed up as friendship.”
We’d been dating for about 14 months when this conversation happened. Things had been good, or so I thought. We had our own places, but spent most nights together. The kind of relationship where you start talking about future plans without it feeling forced. Her ex was always there, though, in the background. Little comments here and there.
“He texted me something funny today. He’s going through a rough time, so I’m just being supportive.”
I tried to be understanding at first. I’m not the jealous type. I believe exes can be friends under the right circumstances, but the circumstances weren’t right. It started bothering me about 3 months ago. The frequency of their contact increased. Late night texts that she’d laugh at while we were watching TV. Lunch meetups that she’d mention casually like they were no big deal. Phone calls that she’d take in another room because he needs advice about something personal.
I noticed she’d check her phone constantly when we were together—at dinner, during movies, even during conversations. Her attention was always divided. I’d be telling her about my day, and she’d glance at her phone mid-sentence. When I’d pause, she’d look up and say, “Sorry, what?” with this distracted smile.
Last Tuesday, I finally brought it up. We were having dinner at her place. She’d made this pasta dish she knows I love, and her phone kept buzzing. Every time she’d glance at it and smile.
“Is that him?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral.
“Yeah, he’s telling me about this thing that happened at his work. It’s actually hilarious.”
“You talk to him a lot.”
She put her fork down. “Is this going to be a thing?”
“I’m just noticing a pattern. We’re friends. I’ve told you this.”
“Friends don’t text each other at 11 at night multiple times a week.”
The story doesn’t end here –
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