This weekend, I sat across from my fiancé’s sisters, mother, and aunt as they grilled me.
I didn’t take offense at their questions—some of which were pretty close to crossing the line—and I answered respectfully. But then his youngest sister, who’s at least ten years younger than me (and whom I had even helped secure a job through my connections), looked me up and down and asked, “So, what do you bring to the table?” She folded her arms, giving me a look that could only be described as challenging.
I took a deep breath, looked her squarely in the face, glanced over at his mom, aunt, and other sister, and smiled. I counted my fingers, stalling for time, hoping one of the older women would step in and stop the “interview.” After almost half an hour of grilling, I thought they’d say something.
But when that didn’t happen, I leaned in and answered, “Oh honey, I’m not bringing anything to the table. I am the entire table—plus the chairs and the decor. Your brother is invited to the party.”
Their jaws dropped. Before this, his aunt had already asked, “As a woman marrying into a different culture, can you be humble?” I could tell her question was laced with some passive-aggressive, low-key assumptions, pushing me to see if I’d take the bait. I didn’t.
So, when that follow-up question came from his little sister, I decided to let them know I wasn’t exactly a pushover.
Here’s the backstory: before we visited, my fiancé warned me they might be hostile based on things they’d said to him. He didn’t give me specifics, but he advised, “Be respectful but don’t be a doormat. If they think you’ll just accept anything, that’s going to set the tone for your relationship with them.” So, I listened.
In 2014, I got a scholarship to study in Canada.
The scholarship covered my partner, too, so I took my boyfriend with me. Before we left, he’d wanted to marry me, but my father, a wise man, only agreed to a small ceremony and said he didn’t want me to feel pressured. Before we left, he gave us both this advice: he told me not to sacrifice my education or career goals for any relationship, and he reminded my boyfriend of the same. The next ten years were tough.
I worked, studied, and supported family back home, but we did it! He now has a Doctor of Pharmacy degree, and I’m a data scientist specializing in machine learning. We’ve built a wonderful life together, but now, suddenly, I’m “too proud” for their son.
I once overheard a WhatsApp message where his aunt’s husband was advising him to “come back home and find a ‘lower’ woman.” Those were his exact words—only he knows what a “lower” woman is supposed to look like.
Right now, I’m typing this from the balcony of our hotel. I can hear my man and his older brother talking. His brother says he’s surprised I didn’t tell them I’m the entire house! My fiancé is laughing that deep, sexy laugh of his, and I feel so protected. It feels good to know he has my back!
